NOTE: THIS IS ALL SATIRICAL, NONE OF THIS IS MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE
Long long ago, on some forums far far away,
The Backpack.tf Federation has blockaded the planet of XenoGaymers in hope of resolving a galactic trade dispute. Chancellor @Penguin of the Galactic Republic, sends Autism Knights @Nomulous and his apprentice @kbraszzz on a secret mission to meet with the Backpack.tf Federation to settle the crisis. Unknown to them, the Backpack.tf Federation is in league with the mysterious Autist Lord @Bach, who orders them to invade XenoGaymers with their immense autistic army and also to kill the two Autistic Knights. Following a failed attempt to force their way into @FoRgE command center, @Nomulous and @kbraszzz escape and flee to the surface of XenoGaymers, where they meet local @FoRgE autistic outcast @StarmiX. As @StarmiX brings them to an underwater @FoRgE settlement, the Backpack.tf Federation captures XenoGaymer's leader, Queen @Rhododendron. Through an Autisitc mind trick, @Nomulous secures a submarine, which he, @kbraszzz, and @StarmiX use to reach the capital of XenoGaymers and rescue Queen @Rhododendron and her escort. The group departs for SKIAL, the Galactic Republic's capital planet, to seek help from the Senate.
During the escape, the ship is attacked by the Backpack.tf Federation blockade, forcing @Waimalu, one of the ship's droids, to fix the shields. The attack damages the ship's hyperdrive, forcing the party to land on the desert forums of SKIAL for repairs. While searching for needed parts, @Nomulous and a handmaiden named @Rhododendron befriend young @Vector, a nine-year-old human sex slave gifted in piloting and pleasing men's diddly-doo. @Nomulous senses a strong presence of the Autistic Force in @Vector, and feels that he may be the "Chosen One" an individual the Autists believe will fulfill a prophecy by bringing balance to the Autistic Force. At @Vector's insistence, @Nomulous enters @Vector into the XENOGAYMER'S YEARLY BROTHEL in a bid with @Vector master, @Rejects, to gain the needed parts as well as @Vector's freedom. @Vector eludes several obstacles including rival prostitute @diabeetus to win the race, gaining his freedom and bankrupting @Rejects. After hesitation, @Vector leaves his mother and his droid, @RinAoi, behind on SKIAL to go with the Autists. As the group prepares to depart, they are attacked by the Autistic Menace apprentice @Moosty, who battles @Nomulous until the heroes escape.
At Valve HQ, @Nomulous informs the Autist Council of the mysterious, well-trained prostitute. The Autist Council becomes concerned that this may indicate the reappearance of the Autistic Menace, an opposing order that followed the dark side of the Autistic Force and had long ago disappeared. @Nomulous informs the Council about @Vector, hoping that he can be trained as an Autist. After testing the sex slave the Council refuses because he cannot please their diddly-doos, worried that he is too old for training and that the fear and anger that he harbors will cloud his future. Meanwhile, Senator @Tekage of SKIAL persuades @Rhododendron to call a vote of no confidence in Chancellor @Penguin. The vote removes @Penguin from power and leads to @Rhododendron's nomination for the position, which @Rhododendron considers too late to be effective. To stop the Backpack.tf Federation invasion by herself, the Queen decides to return to SKIAL with her security team, the two Autists, @Waimalu, @Vector, and @StarmiX.
On SKIAL, @Rhododendron reveals herself as Queen @Rhododendron and forms an alliance with @Forest for the battle against the Backpack.tf Trade Federation. @Forest marches into battle to divert the Federation army away from the capital, allowing the others to infiltrate the palace. Once inside the palace hangar, the Autists free several SKIAL Forum Members, who regain their tugboats and row away from the Backpack.tf Federation droid armada. As they make their way to the throne room, the infiltration team is confronted by @Moosty. @Nomulous and @kbraszzz engage @Moosty while the others take an alternate route. @Nomulous and @kbraszzz duel with the Autist Lord amongst the catwalks of a massive power-generating AA battery. @kbraszzz is briefly delayed, separating him from @Nomulous and @Moosty. Meanwhile, Queen @Rhododendron and her forces fight their way into the palace and capture @Chrono, Viceroy of the Backpack.tf Trade Federation. @Vector - who inadvertently joined the dogfight in space - destroys the droid-control ship's AAA battery with proton torpedoes, which deactivates the droid army in the midst of taking prisoners. In the reactor core, @Nomulous re-engages @Moosty single handedly, but is mortally wounded. @kbraszzz catches up with and defeats @Moosty in another intense diddly-doo battle. With his final breath, @Nomulous instructs @kbraszzz to train @Vector to become an Autist.
R.I.P. @Nomulous
MORE TO COME SOON! STAY TUNED KIDS!~
