BashinBolshevik

Thats me 100% legit

There once was a happy-go-lucky chap by the name of- Phoenix, who once was accommodated for- Being amazing at his job while at the same time- Stole cookies form the grade schoolers,- That he resales laced with- Laxatives, so the consumers- Can suffer on their way to the toilet just to find out that- The local sewer system stopped running, rendering all local plumbing to fail, someone went to check it out only to find- That there was a strange figure who somehow blocked all of the sewage. That figure was none other than- Scootaloo, who was working on The biggest meme filled promo/demo! which was- His next murder, chopping up the body and building dam with the body parts clogging the sewer. He noticed the man who investigated the sewers and- Realized that the man is actually the devastatingly handsome and seductive- Lithium, the man the town loathed, what does it all mean? The cookies, the murders, the sewers?- Could it be that Scootaloo was prepearing the biggest fudgepost ever presented to the mankind, and he was killing people to accomplish such an achivement? Or perhaps it was- The next part of "50 Shades of Oof," which was about- Sexual stuff that involves cucumbers, a morning star, and -

Good night sweet prince. :'(

lol yea... im much more beautiful now~

Yep, it's me Bashin, back at the old forums after about a year. Anyway, a summary of the stuff that happened: - My mac was too outdated to use Steam - I went back to Russia to visit familia - A bunch of other bullshit But yeah, I'm back now. I hope you guys don't hate me!

Im going on a cruise to Cazumel, Mexico; the Caiman Islands; and Jamaica on Saturday. I'll be gone for 7 days, and im going to post pics here to make you jelly.

Spoiler: I have a single-beating heart. Seriously.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX3iLfcMDCw

let this creep into your nightmares.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQ

I'm not sure if I was tagged or not, so here...(such a rebel submitting a selfie on saturday)

Sphee crabs are life XD

Yes, I went to MegaCon, dressed as the Governor from twd. And I spent 40 freaking bucks on merchandise and food. Scope it out, sassmasters.

Once upon a time, in a country far, far away called Canada, there was a man who’s name was Jebediah DaQuan. He was a tall, well built livestock rancher. One day, Jeb was going to the market to sell his biggest bull, Noscoper MLG 9000. Then he encountered a creepy old man. “Give me that bull!” the old man demanded. "Nah." said Jeb. He pulled out a samurai sword. Noscoper, sensing danger, charged the old man and knocked him into space. Jeb picked up the sword. He continued to the market. Along the way, he met a monstrous Cyclops. It wanted to eat him, so he had to defeat it. He also ran into a dragon, so had to defeat it. He then met a beautiful woman who wanted to date him, but he wasn't emotionally ready, so he had to defeat it. When he finally got to the market, he saw that it was burnt to the ground. What is this? he thought. There was a sign in the rubble. It said, "Lol the Yakuza was here. P.S. You wont finding us lol #get rekt scrubs" He looked around the carnage, finding 2 burnt corpses. I will avenge them! He thought. He mounted Noscoper MLG 9000 and set off to the mountains, tall as Heaven. It was getting dark, so Jebediah pitched his tent. (He alway carried a tent in his brown knapsack). Suddenly, he saw something darting out of the corner of his eye. He wielded his samurai sword. The figure leaped into the air, knife in hand. Jeb stabbed him while he was in midair. As Jeb observed the slain man, he saw that it was a Yakuza scout. He had probably spied on him since the wrecked town. He looked around at the forest for more Yakuza, but he saw nothing. He fell into an exhausted sleep. The next day, he climbed out of the tent and saw Noscoper grazing in the clearing. He packed his stuff, saddled Noscoper and set off yet again. The forest was lush and green, and he could hear the tweeting of birds. He saw smoke rising into the sky and thought, A village! He was low on provisions, so he rode towards it. When he got to it, he was horrified at the scene. The village, Split Rock, was burned to the ground, just like the market. There was a sickly-looking man buried under the debris of a house. Jab saw that he was breathing, so he lifted the rubble. "All you all right?" he interrogated. "Do I *cough* look alright?" the man sounded like he was dying. "The bad men… *cough* so many of them…" This snapped Jeb back to reality. "Bad men?! Where did they go?!" "Toward the *cough* village of Erikson… the bad men…" after a long coughing fit, the man went limp. Yet another casualty of the Yakuza pillaging. I wonder what they want? Jeb pondered. He knew that Erikson was just northeast of this town. He would get to the bottom of this. As he traveled, it was getting colder. The leaves of the trees were getting yellower. He found a clearing in the trees, and there he set up camp and dozed off. He set off early that morning. Noscoper seemed tired, so he walked on foot. He reached an are where the ground was covered with Orange and red leaves. Unexpectedly, he fell into a hole. A trap! he thought as he plummeted into the darkness. He land in a massive pile of hay. A far as he could tell, he was unhurt. So was Noscoper. There was nobody else he could see. He eventually fell asleep. A few hours later, he woke up in a cell with Noscoper. His backpack and sword were gone. There was an Asian-looking man on the other side of the cold, metal cell bars. "Hello." The man said in broken English. "I am Rijeketsu of the Yakuza. Try and escape, and you will meet your doom." Jeb was bound in handcuffs. He instantly made plans to escape. A few hours later, the guard came to the cell and stuck a metal tray of food through the bars. His hands were inside the cell to his wrists. Jeb put his plan into action. He seized the man's wrists and pulled. The guard's head bashed against the metal bar so forcefully that he passed out. Jeb almost couldn't reach, but he stuck his hands out of the bars and grabbed the keys from the man's belt loop. He unlocked the handcuffs and the cell door, and woke Noscoper up. He searched the unconscious guard, but all he found was a taser. He decided to bring the taser with him. He walked throughout the dreary hallways until he found the warden's room. He saw his backpack and sword on a nearby desk. Jeb promptly took the items. As he exited the room, he heard two men talking in Japanese. They were coming straight at him, but they hadn't noticed him. He hid under the warden's desk and waited until they passed. He looked around for an exit. He wandered through the complex, and found an exit. He opened the door to the warm light. He stepped outside, and saw a professional-looking man with two armed guards. "I see you have escaped." the man said. "I am Bureido, the head of the Canadian Yakuza division." "Why did you burn those towns!" Jeb yelled. "They were building a resistance. They stopped giving us their monthly payment, so we stopped giving them our mercy." "I'll avenge the people you murdered!" Jeb said. "Very well. Leave me, guards!" The guards left Bureido, and hooked a rope around Noscoper MLG 9000. Bureido drew a black sword with a blood-red hilt. "Defend your honor!" Bureido launched himself at Jeb, and the two dueled. Bureido swung at Jeb with a downward strike, but Jeb blocked it. The two swords were locked together, and Bureido's blade was nearing toward Jeb's face. Jebediah's life flashed before his eyes as the sword inched toward his face, coming closer and closer to his head. Suddenly, the man was sent flying toward a tree. It was Noscoper! He had escaped the guards and had come to rescue him. The man lay slumped against the tree. "This… this isn't over… there's still the father of the Yakuza in Japan… The Yakuza will win…" and then the man fell unconscious. After freeing all the villagers (they were held captive in the cells) Jebediah DaQuan saw a helicopter landing. It had the flag of Canada on it. The Prime Minister stepped out, along with Canadian soldiers. "Thank you." the Prime Minister said. "We have been trying to defeat the Yakuza for years, and you and your bull have done it. The remaining Yakuza are being apprehended. By the power vested in me, you receive the Canadian medal of honor, the Victoria Cross." "Thank you, sir" Jeb said. The Prime Minister pinned a golden cross with a lion on it onto Jeb's simple clothes. "We shall lift you back to your home." the Prime Minister offered. Jebediah accepted. Safe and back at his home, Jebediah pondered his quest. It wasn't over. There was still the Yakuza in other countries. But it was over for now. Thanks for reading, and if anyone could make some artwork, that would be cool. And i would appreciate it.