Started a story (first time writin'!)

[Sora_ 48]

Hello everyone, I am Natsu Dragneel. A user on these forums who can't play TF2 as much as I used to because of Tiger Asian Parents. So anyway, it's my first time attempting at writing and I have an outline of a story I might write in the near future. Criticism, suggestions and commentary accepted!

Story Planning:

 

Main Characters:

 

Talus

 

Claire

 

Soth

 

Antagonist:

 

Echo

 

Setting: (Pre-modern; medieval; fictional with magic)

 

The Land of Chaelis

 

The town of Lapid

 

The city of Seil

 

The temple of Krislt

 

Saphros Mountain

 

Story Events:

 

· Starts off mid-battle against Echo atop Saphros Mountain.

 

· Rewinds to beginning.

 

· Normal village life.

 

· Talus and Claire are tasked by their mother to find berries.

 

· Shortly after leaving, they hear an explosion coming from the village.

 

· They return quickly and find the town burning and surrounded by monsters of all sorts.

 

· Talus and Claire run and arrive just in time to see a demon swoop down and kill their mother.

 

· They see their father being dragged away, unconscious, by two large orcs.

 

· They become depressed and don't react as two goblins prepare to behead them.

 

· Soth, who came from nowhere, swiftly deals two lethal blows to the goblins.

 

· Goblins wither and drop a saber and a staff.

 

· Inspired to live, Claire and Talus pick up the weapons and aid Soth in escaping the village.

 

· Soth does most of the work; they manage to escape.

 

· Soth explains why this is happening; the Fallen Angel Echo is being revived.

 

· Soth explains that they must learn to defend themselves.

 

· Soth observes that Talus seems to be deft and swordplay, and Claire, at magic.

 

· As they journey along a road they find, they encounter a small horde or ogres and demons.

 

· Soth uses this to their advantage and helps Talus and Claire learn how to fight.

 

· They defeat all of the monsters and find gold, weapons and armors left behind. Soth explains to them how monsters drop things after being defeated.

 

· Talus's stomach growls and Claire looks like she ran a marathon.

 

· Soth decides for them to go to the nearest city he knows.

 

· They walk to Seil, a well-defended city a few miles away.

 

· They enter the city and find a place to rest.

 

· They listen in on conversations and gain more information on Echo.

 

· The next day, Soth leads them to a trainer he knows.

 

· Soth leaves them without saying why.

 

· The trainer's name is Mahli.

 

· They are taught in the arts of swordplay and magic.

 

· Eventually, they learn that Soth had gone to the Krislt temple in order to obtain the tools to defeat Echo.

 

· Echo's voice drifts through their heads and inform them that Soth has been captured.

 

· They decide to go after Soth and free him.

 

· They journey up to the temple defeating many enemies.

 

· They enter and are confronted with a huge multitude of traps.

 

· They enter a giant chamber decorated with many jewels and precious metals.

 

· A giant demon is sleeping in front of a giant blue crystal that holds Soth.

 

· They wake and barely manage to defeat the demon.

 

· As they approach the crystal, blue flames erupt out of nowhere and launch them backwards.

 

· Talus and Claire are shocked to realize that their own father is surrounded in the blue flames.

 

· He speaks and it isn't their father's voice, it's Echo's.

 

· Echo explains that their Father is his new vessel.

 

· Talus is angered.

 

· They attack at once, but are blown away easily.

 

· Claire attacks, but is blown back. She blacks out.

 

· Talus is enraged further. A strange mark appears on his hands.

 

· Talus is enveloped in red energy. His saber lengthens, strengthens and becomes swifter.

 

· Echo is briefly surprised, but regains his composure and attacks.

 

· Talus parries and counters.

 

· Echo dodges and this continues.

 

· Talus's blade becomes wrapped in the energy; Talus thrusts and defeats Echo.

 

· The blue flames vanish and Talus is left with his mortally wounded Father.

 

· Father explains and apologizes. He blacks out.

 

· Claire sees this and her body becomes wrapped in white energy.

 

· She continuously sends out waves of magical energy.

 

· She runs to her Father and directs most of the energy into his body.

 

· After a few moments, the Father starts to cough and sputter.

 

· The crystal begins to crack after being exposed to so much raw energy.

 

· Soth is released.

 

· Soth is quite shocked to hear what had happened.

 

· After searching around a bit, they find the three holy weapons and their garbs.

 

· Claire receives an elegant robe and the Divine Goddess Staff: Cadum. Talus gets a golden armor set and the Sacred Saber: Admonis. Soth gets a silver armor set and Twin Dragon Daggers: Sylvis.

 

· They return, with Soth, to their Trainer.

 

· They are then trained into controlling and using their Awakened powers.

 

· A year later, they are ready to confront Echo.

 

· They head to Saphros Mountain, rumored lair of Echo.

 

· They challenge and defeat countless demons on their ascent.

 

· Finally, they confront Echo.

 

 

I've gotten a comment from my friend saying that I should have Soth and the Father die, but I dunno.

.3. Thanks and see ya later!

 

~Natsu Dragneel

[Voly 0]

Wait what

[xGShadowSpy 108]

I think its pretty good. I think one or the other should have died, it would have given them more hatred towards Echo. If you killed the father like he was before he was revived, you should have had the father(during the part where it said he was explaining something) say he used to be a leader of a secret faction/organization before they were born that had opposed Echo, and kept him from reviving. And with some other members going missing, they no longer had the power to keep Echo away. And due to his fathers powers, Echo chose him as his reincarnation.

The father could also explain that some of his power was drained when they were born, explaining their hidden powers.

Anyway, just my thoughts on additions to it. Story itself is good.

[Sora_ 48]

Here's the link to comment on it in the google doc. Story Practice - Google Docs